The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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JayG

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #780 on: August 27, 2010, 08:59 »
Adult ones = excellent!!  ;)

Perhaps we could add a few to the list?

OK!

Middle age is when you look to check the value of a dropped coin on the pavement before deciding whether to pick it up or not (but have to adjust your specs first to actually see it properly!)   :lol:
Sow your seeds, plant your plants. What's the difference? A couple of weeks or more when answering possible queries!

One of the best things about being an orang-utan is the fact that you don't lose your good looks as you get older

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evie2

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #781 on: August 27, 2010, 10:40 »
 :lol: :lol: :lol:

So it was you watching me in the supermarket yesterday :tongue2: :lol:
May this day be blessed with gifts, understanding and friends.  Merlin 2001-2012 Pandora 2001-2013 xxx

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GTFC197

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #782 on: August 27, 2010, 15:27 »
NEWS FLASH!!!!

The dead MI6 agent found  in a bag in his London flat has been named as Brian Shepherd.

He is thought to have been stabbed and put in a hot bath first.

Police are treating it as a

"Boil in the bag Shepherd Spy!!".

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #783 on: August 27, 2010, 17:31 »
NEWS FLASH!!!!

The dead MI6 agent found  in a bag in his London flat has been named as Brian Shepherd.

He is thought to have been stabbed and put in a hot bath first.

Police are treating it as a

"Boil in the bag Shepherd Spy!!".
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
i dont suffer with insanity..........i enjoy every minute of it.

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horsepooisgood

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #784 on: August 27, 2010, 18:50 »
NEWS FLASH!!!!

"Boil in the bag Shepherd Spy!!".

Why can I not stop laughing :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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mower man

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #785 on: August 27, 2010, 22:44 »
           Diets:

Yesterday I was at my local Tesco`s buying a large bag of purina dog
food for my daughters springer spaniel and was in the checkout queue
when a woman behind me asked if i had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant ? So, since I`m retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn`t have a dog, I was
starting the purina diet again. I added that I probably shouldn`t
I ended up in hospital last time, but that I`d lost 2 stones before I
woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pockets with purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry. the food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again ( I have to
mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled
with my story. )

Horrified , she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the
dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an
Irish setter`s rear and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

I`m now banned from that Tesco
« Last Edit: August 28, 2010, 07:44 by joyfull »
You may be only one person in the world,  but you may also be the world to one person.

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pigeonpie

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #786 on: August 28, 2010, 08:01 »
Thanks mowerman I've just splurted my breakfast over the computer laughing!!!
Brilliant.
 :D :lol:

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #787 on: August 28, 2010, 08:16 »
BBC NEWS "CHILEAN MINER PROPOSES FROM UNDERGROUND"

They have got to get these poor fellas out, they are obviously losing their minds.

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TeaPots

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #788 on: August 28, 2010, 09:36 »
 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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evie2

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #789 on: August 28, 2010, 09:42 »
           Diets:

Yesterday I was at my local Tesco`s buying a large bag of purina dog
food . . . . . . . . . . . . I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

I`m now banned from that Tesco



 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D splutter, splutter, Frosties everywhere  :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D



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Slowgrind

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #790 on: August 28, 2010, 09:46 »
Stunner mower man!!!  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

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elibump

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #791 on: August 28, 2010, 09:54 »
Is this what you'd call a shaggy dog story? :ohmy: Or cereal humour? :wub:
Talking to the microwave,I ask you wall, what is the world coming to?
Blesséd are the cracked for tis they who let in the light!

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Bizzi Lizzi

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #792 on: August 28, 2010, 11:26 »
Am still having a quiet chuckle about the field of snowmen, how sad is that!

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Bizzi Lizzi

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #793 on: August 28, 2010, 11:33 »
More blond jokes and apologies if you've heard them before:

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't fetch a beer from the fridge!

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever!

Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
A: They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!

Q: Why did the Blonde get fired at the M & M factory?
A: She threw out all the W's!


A blonde comes home to find her husband in bed with a redhead. She grabs a gun and holds it to her own head. The husband begs her not to shoot herself. The blonde shouts at her husband, ‘Shut up! You’re next!’




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hamstergbert

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #794 on: August 28, 2010, 15:40 »
A blonde criminal mastermind.... well, anyway, a blonde criminal kidnapped a ten year old lad.  She gave him the ransom note and sent him home with it.
Next day the lad came back to the blonde criminal with his mother's response of "I can't live without my son - how could you be so cruel to a fellow blonde!"


Feller out on a ramble cannot make head nor tail of his map and, eventually, admits defeat.  Looking round he espies a blonde, working on her vegetable patch.
"Excuse me!" he says.  "Where does this footpath go?"
The blonde looks at him.  "Doesn't go anywhere.  Stays right there on the ground in front of the allotments!"
He sneers.  "What a stupid answer.  Serves me right for asking a blonde!"
She smiles at him.  "I am a blonde.  I may be stupid, opinions differ. But one thing for certain - I aint lost!"


Two blondes went to Battersea Dogs Home and each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friends was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?" 
This led to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours." 
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing." 
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.   After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars. 
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. 
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"

 
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."


A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.  He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosties back in the box."

 
The Dales - probably fingerprint marks where God's hand touched the world



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