[John]

fajitas....pronounced faheaters   

GROAN!!!

Not how you pronounce it in the American diner in Stoke - Fah gi (as in gin) tahs. You need to know the potteries accent to really appreciate it

[horsepooisgood]

Now I'm not saying these are funny but.........I thought I'd share them anyway :blink:


Top ten best jokes judged at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe

1) Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

2) David Gibson - "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."

3) Emo Philips - "I picked up a hitchhiker. You've got to when you hit them."

4) Jack Whitehall - "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."

5) Gary Delaney - "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."

6) John Bishop - "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."

7) Bo Burnham - "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."

Gary Delaney - "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

9) Robert White - "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: empty."

10) Gareth Richards - "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"

[Aunt Sally]

Are you sure that wasn't the bottom ten list

[TheEnglishman]

Are you sure that wasn't the bottom ten list

The bottom ten were truely awful.

I did like the Vanessa Feltz one though.  He says having just scoffed a packet of Jaffa cakes.

[John]

9) Robert White - "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: empty."

Oh I love that one.. 

[davethespread]

all men like to think they are marrying nymphomaniacs....

the problem is that after a few years the nympho leaves but the maniac does'nt

[mumofstig]

but most women just wish he would 

[horsepooisgood]

M.O.S, you obviously have never met Mr Right yet then....

Mr. Right

[Carla]

It wasn't until I married Mr Right, that I realised his first name was 'Always'
Groan 

[Snap Dragon]

It wasn't until I married Mr Right, that I realised his first name was 'Always'
Groan 

 

[agingchick]

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.



GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..

[joyfull]

love them 

[elibump]

    Really like 'adults' 1.

[evie2]

 

Adult 1 is so true


Just read them out to OH, he was ok till I got to adult 1.....don't drink, eat cheese biscuits and laugh you choke  :blink:

[Paul Plots]

Adult ones = excellent!! 

Perhaps we could add a few to the list?