[mumofstig]

 

But I think most wives would recognise their husbands parts, and more importantly their shorts
because usually they are the ones to buy them 

[madcat]

And wash them and wash them and ......

A little known fact :
The first cricket box was used in cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
It took 100 years for men to realize that their brain could also be important.
 
(modified so I dont get modded!)

[Paul Plots]

And wash them and wash them and ......

A little known fact :
The first cricket box was used in cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
It took 100 years for men to realize that their brain could also be important.
 
(modified so I dont get modded!)

Unfortunately most men don't live as long as women - a hundred years is rarely achieved!

Nagged to death??

[horsepooisgood]

An attorney
arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of
execution for his client, James Wright.  His last minute plea for
clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and
depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you
been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and
on…

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured
himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the
bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged
himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told
that her husband's client, James Wright,
had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would
not be hanged that night. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must
have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.  They're not
hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, ‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T
YOU EVER STOP?!’

Read it quick before its modded!!
 

[horsepooisgood]

 

Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London .....

Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.

The sign said 'Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair.'

Paddy says to his pal, 'Mick, look!


We could buy a whole lot of dose, and when we get back to Ireland , we could make a fortune.

Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay?


Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear your accent, they might not be nice to us.


I'll speak in my best English accent. '

'Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will.' Says Mick.

They go in and Paddy says, 'I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my truck and...'

The owner of the shop interrupts, 'You're from Ireland , aren't you?'

'Well ..... yes,' says a surprised Paddy. 'How der hell d'y'know dat?

The owner says, 'This is a dry cleaners'

[Trillium]

"Johnnie."

"Yes, teacher."

"If there are twenty sheep in a field, and one gets out through a hole in the fence, how many sheep are left in the field?"

"None, teacher."

"Johnnie, there are still nineteen sheep left in the field. Obviously you don't know arithmetic."

"Sorry, teacher, but I do know arithmetic. Obviously you don't know sheep."

[pol and mick]

There has been a report that a man has been seen around the local town centre  stabbing random people with a knitting kneedle,The police are on the case and believe his is following a pattern.

[UrbanG]

What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

[peapod]

Like it!

[Paul Plots]

Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London .....

Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.

The sign said 'Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair.'

Paddy says to his pal, 'Mick, look!


We could buy a whole lot of dose, and when we get back to Ireland , we could make a fortune.

Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay?


Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear your accent, they might not be nice to us.


I'll speak in my best English accent. '

'Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will.' Says Mick.

They go in and Paddy says, 'I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my truck and...'

The owner of the shop interrupts, 'You're from Ireland , aren't you?'

'Well ..... yes,' says a surprised Paddy. 'How der hell d'y'know dat?

The owner says, 'This is a dry cleaners'

The joke's great -   laughed a lot  - but Im not Irish..... I hope no one objects 

[JayG]

Headline: "Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake."

[davethespread]

my wifes a right darling,

she's got big eyebrows and keeps taking my beer and fag money off me.

[davethespread]

sigmund freud walks into a bra....

[plum crumble]

silly fool!!

 

[davethespread]

silly fool!!

 

im bored plum