The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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cissie

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #390 on: May 01, 2010, 20:19 »
That is soooooooooo funny Hawkins :D :D made me cry  :D :D

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #391 on: May 03, 2010, 20:41 »
a salesman knocks on a front door and its answered by a ten year old lad. he has a glass of scotch in one hand and a cigar smoking away in the other.
the salesman says "hello son is your mum or dad in?"
to which the lad says,"does it look like it mate."
i dont suffer with insanity..........i enjoy every minute of it.

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DavidT

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #392 on: May 03, 2010, 21:12 »
Well he could be minding them for his parents, while they, you know. Have qaulity time together. :D

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hamstergbert

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #393 on: May 04, 2010, 11:52 »
Canvassing politician knocks on the same door a little later.  Same ten year old lad answers.
"Hello, young man.  May I speak to your parents?"
"They int in!"
canvasser raises despairing eyes to heaven and mumbles under his breath something about appalling standards of modern education, before turning again to the lad.
"'They int in'! Whatever happened to grammar!"
"She int in neither -she's out at t'bingo!"
The Dales - probably fingerprint marks where God's hand touched the world

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JayG

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #394 on: May 04, 2010, 12:44 »
That's terrible, Hamster (but I like it!)  :lol:
Sow your seeds, plant your plants. What's the difference? A couple of weeks or more when answering possible queries!

One of the best things about being an orang-utan is the fact that you don't lose your good looks as you get older

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Paul Plots

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #395 on: May 04, 2010, 16:06 »
That's terrible, Hamster (but I like it!)  :lol:

Truly terrible - social services should be informed immediately - a child of that age should not be home alone!!  ::)  :lol:
Never keep your wish-bone where your back-bone ought to be.

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hamstergbert

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #396 on: May 04, 2010, 17:14 »
Memory triggered by the seagull-flavoured element of the 'Planting out' thread:


One of Her Majesty's submarines coming in from patrol, approaching the point for wheelover to enter the Gareloch, suddenly went full astern.

Much consternation as the way was quickly taken off the boat.

The Captain called the bridge in the fin to ask the reason, to be told by the Officer of the Watch that he had put the engines full astern to avoid some birds in the water dead ahead.
 
The Captain lost his cool slightly.  "You mean to tell me you went full astern to avoid running over some bl**dy seagulls?!"

"Not exactly, sir," replied the OOW.  "They weren't seagulls, they were waders..."


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andy135

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #397 on: May 05, 2010, 21:17 »
What do you call a man with rabbits up his b*m?

Warren............!

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cissie

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #398 on: May 05, 2010, 21:42 »
Two bird's sitting on a perch
  one say's to the other
    can you smell fish ?? :) :)

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aelf

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #399 on: May 05, 2010, 23:13 »
two fish in a tank. One says to the other 'How do you drive this thing?'  :tongue2:

There's more comfrey here than you can shake a stick at!

http://www.wedigforvictory.co.uk/dig_icon.gif[/img]

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aelf

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #400 on: May 05, 2010, 23:30 »
what was the last thing that Rommel said to his troops before they got into their tanks?


           scroll down....




















he said 'Right troops, get into your tanks!'

 :D

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PennyS

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #401 on: May 06, 2010, 21:54 »
Heard a lovely one this evening on the radio...

Man walks into a pub.  Goes to the cigarette machine (do they still have them?), which says to him "You're an idiot. And I'm seeing your wife."

He then goes to the bar, where there is a bowl of peanuts, which say to him "you're a charming and very clever man."

So he says to the barman, "What's going on in this pub?" 

Barman says, "Sorry, I should have explained.  The cigarette machine is out of order and the peanuts are complimentary."
Lotty holder since Aug 09... I've FINALLY finished clearing it! On with the p.lanting  ....

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Paul Plots

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #402 on: May 06, 2010, 21:56 »
Made me laugh PennyS!  :lol:

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #403 on: May 07, 2010, 16:06 »
recent satelite images have shown a new ash cloud settling over london.

apparently its nothing to worry about its just spurs fans blowing the dust off their passports.

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JayG

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #404 on: May 07, 2010, 16:45 »
recent satelite images have shown a new ash cloud settling over london.

apparently its nothing to worry about its just spurs fans blowing the dust off their passports.


.........or someone dusting Arsenal's trophy cabinet?!!!  :lol:  :lol:



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