The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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plum crumble

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #285 on: April 09, 2010, 08:29 »
 :ohmy: I can't believe he tried to be so familiar with Aunty!  :unsure:
« Last Edit: April 10, 2010, 08:03 by plum crumble »
small, Welsh and almost certainly bonkers, but can be tamed with Talisker, if required

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richyrich7

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #286 on: April 09, 2010, 13:16 »
I think that's enough to be honest, let's not pull Aunyt's leg any longer. I personally hold her in great regard, anyone that really knows her would.
So enough.  ;)
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

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Glosterboy

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #287 on: April 09, 2010, 13:39 »
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath.  She puts her foot in and pauses.....  She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"  The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know.  I'll come up and see."  She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"  The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters..  She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."  She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

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Paul Plots

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #288 on: April 09, 2010, 14:44 »
That's brilliant Glosterboy!!  :lol:


If only I could remember what it was about   :blink:
Never keep your wish-bone where your back-bone ought to be.

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JayG

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #289 on: April 09, 2010, 15:05 »
What what was about?!  :blush:
Sow your seeds, plant your plants. What's the difference? A couple of weeks or more when answering possible queries!

One of the best things about being an orang-utan is the fact that you don't lose your good looks as you get older

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Trillium

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #290 on: April 09, 2010, 15:20 »
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

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Glosterboy

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #291 on: April 09, 2010, 17:28 »
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.  One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday..."  And the third man chimed in, "So am I...  Let's have a beer."

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hamstergbert

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #292 on: April 09, 2010, 19:27 »
The hair cut

 One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was  pleased and left the shop.

 When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door..

 Later, a  baker comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his  bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm  doing community service this week.' The baker is happy and leaves the  shop.

 The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank  you' card and a dozen still warm fresh, crusty rolls waiting for him at his door.

 Later that day, a bookseller comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept  money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The bookseller  is very happy and leaves the shop.

 The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'

 Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from  you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament  is very happy and leaves the shop.

 The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

 
 
The Dales - probably fingerprint marks where God's hand touched the world

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Trillium

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #293 on: April 09, 2010, 19:32 »
That would be hilarious if it wasn't so true  :D

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DavidT

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #294 on: April 09, 2010, 20:00 »
Isn`t it about time you posted  a funny Sally? May I call you Sally, Sally?  :lol: :lol: :lol:

You may call me Aunt Sally or Aunty  >:(

Aunty is never funny  ::)


Una Stubbs was funny when she was you. :( :( :unsure:

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plot6b

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #295 on: April 09, 2010, 20:12 »
Isn`t it about time you posted  a funny Sally? May I call you Sally, Sally?  :lol: :lol: :lol:

You may call me Aunt Sally or Aunty  >:(

Aunty is never funny  ::)

Una Stubbs was funny when she was you. :( :( :unsure:
Give us a clue then ;) ;)

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Glosterboy

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #296 on: April 09, 2010, 20:45 »
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard.  As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.  The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
      The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it.  I could have sworn we just went through a red light."  After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was again red  and again, they went right through.  The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.  She was getting nervous.  At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.  So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row?  You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"   

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Aunt Sally

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #297 on: April 09, 2010, 23:14 »
Isn`t it about time you posted  a funny Sally? May I call you Sally, Sally?  :lol: :lol: :lol:

You may call me Aunt Sally or Aunty  >:(

Aunty is never funny  ::)


Una Stubbs was funny when she was you. :( :( :unsure:

She was acting David, very inaccurately  ::)

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Glosterboy

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #298 on: April 10, 2010, 08:51 »
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.  As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair

Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

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hamstergbert

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #299 on: April 10, 2010, 10:59 »
Hector was out for a first date with Julia.  Picked her up in his bright red Capri and headed off down the A65.

As they approached a set of traffic lights that were gleaming a warming red, Hector made no attempt to brake at all but simply drove straight through.  Julia, face a little ashen, turned to him and said, "Did you not see it?  You just went straight through a red light!"
Hector smiled at her.  "Ah, my brother George always does that!"

Julia composed herself - with a struggle - and settled down, but found herself tensing as they approached another traffic light in a fetching shade of cherry-red.  In increasing terror she barely managed to croak the start of a warning before Hector again drove straight through.   Her face now homepride-white, Julia disentangled her broken nails from what remained of the dashboard and screeched at him, "You did it again!  You went straight through ANOTHER red light!"
Hector laughed.  "Told you, my brother George always soes that!"

Julia did lots of deep breathing and eventually managed to get her pulse rate below 200, and forced herself to try and relax, after carefully checking aht her seat belt was definitely properly fastened.

As they drove on, she saw another red traffic light in the distance and felt the panic start to rise, but as they got nearer the amber joined the red and switched over to the welcome green.  To her utter amazement, Hector stamped onto his brake and the car screeched to a halt inches from the junction line.

Julia straightened up, easing the seatbelt from where it was cutting into her as the result of their sudden stop and yelled, "That was a green light and you screech to a halt!"
Hector shrugged.  "My brother George might be coming the other way."



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