The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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mumofstig

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #225 on: April 03, 2010, 15:49 »
It was clear except for 1 word Learner.

It took me ages to work out what aulacity actually was :lol: :lol:

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Paul Plots

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #226 on: April 03, 2010, 15:56 »
It was clear except for 1 word Learner.

It took me ages to work out what aulacity actually was :lol: :lol:

I agree with you on that one  :lol:
Never keep your wish-bone where your back-bone ought to be.

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min200

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #227 on: April 04, 2010, 09:47 »
A woman was in town on a shopping trip.

She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital..

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful slice of chocolate cake, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband.

Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.

She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition.

The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip, didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!' The woman was feeling so guilty, she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. Show me what you bought.'

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Jamie Butterworth

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #228 on: April 04, 2010, 10:05 »
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
If you want to be happy for a short time - get drunk.

If you want to be happy for a long time - fall in love.

If you want to be happy forever - take up gardening!

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #229 on: April 04, 2010, 18:44 »
they have now realised why manchester united done so badly against bayern and chelsea,they told ji-sung park to occupy the flanks,and he spent the two games following ribery and lampard.
i dont suffer with insanity..........i enjoy every minute of it.

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Yabba

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #230 on: April 04, 2010, 20:42 »
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

¥

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Jamie Butterworth

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #231 on: April 04, 2010, 22:02 »
My neighbour has recently suffered 50 concussions, in fact hes only a stones throw away

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Rangerkris

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #232 on: April 05, 2010, 07:21 »
HAHAHAHAH yabba.
Thanks
Kris

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #233 on: April 05, 2010, 15:38 »
heather mills nanny has accused her of being unstable..paul mcCartney said in an earlier statement he used to find a couple of beer mats done the trick.

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Snap Dragon

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #234 on: April 05, 2010, 15:41 »
heather mills nanny has accused her of being unstable..paul mcCartney said in an earlier statement he used to find a couple of beer mats done the trick.

Like it!  :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Snappy 

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I could give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter.

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #235 on: April 05, 2010, 15:53 »
the burnley fan caught on camera punching the wall as he left when manchester city scored 3 goals in 7 minutes.had to go to hospital for an x-ray,they found he had fractured all six fingers on the right hand.

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plum crumble

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #236 on: April 05, 2010, 17:17 »
 :lol: :lol: ::)
small, Welsh and almost certainly bonkers, but can be tamed with Talisker, if required

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #237 on: April 06, 2010, 08:08 »
who is the nicest man working at the hospital?......the ultrasound guy

and who is the nicest bloke when he is not there......the hip replacement guy.

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mumofstig

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #238 on: April 06, 2010, 08:46 »
groan.......................... :nowink:

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davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #239 on: April 06, 2010, 09:22 »
groan.......................... :nowink:

what, again? :lol: :lol: :lol:



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