The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

  • 4142 Replies
  • 695205 Views
*

Blackpool rocket

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Location: North East Hampshire
  • 503
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4125 on: August 28, 2021, 00:00 »

*

Blackpool rocket

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Location: North East Hampshire
  • 503
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4126 on: August 28, 2021, 00:07 »
Just for you my friend...











Q: What do ravioli play at birthday parties?
A: Pasta parcel


 :lol: :lol: 8)

*

Growster...

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Hawkhurst, Kent
  • 11770
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4127 on: August 28, 2021, 06:47 »
Why did the pasta phone his old girlfriend, late one night?

He was feeling canneloni...

*

Blackpool rocket

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Location: North East Hampshire
  • 503
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4128 on: August 28, 2021, 14:46 »
Watch your step Growster, I think Mr P1P might have Italian "connections", :ohmy: you'll end up on his "watch list" too  :lol:

*

Goosegirl

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Caton, Lancaster.
  • 7460
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4129 on: August 28, 2021, 15:21 »
If you're really lucky Mr G, you might find a genuine Rolex, Omega, or maybe a Longines in your St. Rudolph's stocking this year. I, myself, as in me, might be lucky to get a battery for my bedside clock!
Spring always comes when we sow the seeds of life.

*

Blackpool rocket

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Location: North East Hampshire
  • 503
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4130 on: August 28, 2021, 17:21 »
Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have to worry about being eaten all the time."

As he said this, a large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted!" And believe it or not, with that Justin turned into a fearsome shark. Kristian was horrified and so immediately swam away as he was scared of being eaten by his old friend.

As time went by, Justin found his new life as a shark to be boring and lonely. None of his old friends would let him get near them as they thought he would eat them and so they just swam away whenever he approached. It took a while, but eventually Justin realised that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. Then one day he was swimming all alone as usual when he saw the mysterious cod again. He thought it'd be better if he could go back to his old life so he swam to the cod and begged to be changed back. The cod worked his magic and suddenly Justin was a prawn once more.

With tears of joy streaming down his cheeks Justin swam straight to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, the happy memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "Kristian, it's me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again."
Kristian replied, "No way! You're a shark now and you'll just eat me. I'm not being tricked into being your dinner."
Justin shouted back "No, I'm not a shark any more. That was the old me. I've changed...



I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Kristian."

*

mumofstig

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Kent
  • 53735
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4131 on: August 28, 2021, 17:40 »
*Groan*  ::)
Lesley x
I'm not good, I'm not bad - I'm just me, and sometimes I have to apologise for that ;)

*

Growster...

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Hawkhurst, Kent
  • 11770
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4132 on: August 28, 2021, 18:29 »
Fabulous, Blackpool R!

Tears-sur-keyboard!

;0)

*

Growster...

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Hawkhurst, Kent
  • 11770
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4133 on: August 28, 2021, 18:43 »
This guy wanted a parrot who talked. He asked the pet store manager if there was a bird who was already speaking. The manager directed the guy to a bird by the window. "This bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words and another 50 phrases that would fit most occasions."

The guy bought the bird and took it home.

Next day, the guy was back in the petstore to complain. The bird hadn't said a word.

The pet store manager said, "That's not unusual. Why not buy a few of the toys the bird had been used to playing with while here and put it in his cage. That should get him more comfortable with his surroundings and loosen him up." The man paid for the toys and took them home to the bird.

Two days later the guy showed back up. "Still not talking, huh?" asked the manager. "Well, perhaps a birdbath would do the trick." The credit card was whipped out, the purchase made, and the guy was back home with his new birdbath.

And, like clockwork, two days later the guy was back to complain that the bird STILL hadn't said one word. This time the shop owner scratched his head and said, "You know, sometimes the bird would be praised in his training and allowed to ring this bell." The guy was hesitant, but he really wanted to hear the bird talk, so he reluctantly purchased the bell.

Two days later, the guy was back in the shop. This time the pet shop owner suggested the bird was lonely. The guy was upset that he'd have to purchase ANOTHER bird when the first one wasn't talking. The pet shop owner told him that, no, he wouldn't have to do that. Just buy a mirror and trick the bird into thinking he had company.

You guessed. Two days later, the man was back in the store, this time with the parrot, which was unconscious. "What happened! Didn't the bird ever talk?" asked the pet store owner.

"Yep - right before he conked out it said, 'What's the blasted matter with you lot? Don't they sell blasted birdseed at the blasted pet store any more?'"

*

John

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Clogwyn Melyn, Gwynedd
  • 15741
    • Low Cost Living
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4134 on: September 09, 2021, 01:15 »
A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought,
"I'm too old for this nonsense !"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-
"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The Cop left saying,
" Have a good day, Sir "...

*

Growster...

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Hawkhurst, Kent
  • 11770
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4135 on: September 25, 2021, 18:20 »
Something wrong here...
54627.jpg

*

jaydig

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Worcestershire
  • 1515
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4136 on: September 25, 2021, 18:31 »
I've just read through the last couple of pages of jokes and after a really sh........bad day, I'm going to bed with a smile on my face.  Thank you everyone!!!!!

*

Growster...

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Hawkhurst, Kent
  • 11770
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4137 on: October 03, 2021, 17:32 »
​One day, God rang Satan, and suggested they go out for lunch at the usual place, 'The Holy Grill'...

They took their seats at their usual table and small talk started...

'So how's things down there Satan', asked God?

'Oh the usual suspects, politicians, bank managers, lawyers and the like, but funnily enough we got a wizened old gardener the other day - dunno why, but he just turned up with some odd looking brown vegetable thing, nobody knew what it was, so we assumed it was poisonous and that was why he was here! How's about you anyway'?

God replied,'Oh pretty much the same really, a couple of priests, a few nuns, and we had an odd one too, he said he used to make some sort of strong alcoholic drink, so just in case it was OK with everyone, we kept him on with us'!

After a few more chats, the waiter came over to take their order.

Satan looked up with a gleam in his eye and immediately said that he'd like the soup of the day, 'The Nectar of the Gods'!

So God looked up, sighed and said, 'In which case, I'll have 'The Devil's Avocado'!

*

John

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Clogwyn Melyn, Gwynedd
  • 15741
    • Low Cost Living
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4138 on: October 04, 2021, 10:50 »
Someone has stolen the toilet from our local police station..

Asked if they had any clues the detective in charge stated "At the moment we have nothing to go on!"

*

Blackpool rocket

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Location: North East Hampshire
  • 503
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4139 on: October 07, 2021, 16:39 »
.
asteroid.jpg



xx
Deliveries? You're having a laugh!

Started by Goosegirl on Chatting on the Plot

11 Replies
2760 Views
Last post December 31, 2017, 19:23
by Christine
xx
laugh or cry .... you decide.

Started by Lardman on Chatting on the Plot

45 Replies
5357 Views
Last post January 16, 2019, 13:26
by Goosegirl
xx
Peoples funny names

Started by mrs bouquet on Chatting on the Plot

11 Replies
2449 Views
Last post December 29, 2020, 13:42
by mrs bouquet
xx
how many give up after first year?

Started by Offwego on Chatting on the Plot

24 Replies
5338 Views
Last post January 07, 2018, 11:14
by Yorkshire Lass
 

Page created in 0.084 seconds with 47 queries.

Powered by SMFPacks Social Login Mod
Powered by SMFPacks SEO Pro Mod |