The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

  • 4142 Replies
  • 695116 Views
*

davethespread

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: guildford,surrey
  • 1478
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #45 on: March 13, 2010, 20:15 »
i have a corner suite :tongue2:
i dont suffer with insanity..........i enjoy every minute of it.

*

horsepooisgood

  • Guest
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #46 on: March 13, 2010, 20:49 »
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

*

davethespread

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: guildford,surrey
  • 1478
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #47 on: March 13, 2010, 20:51 »
 :D :D :D

*

horsepooisgood

  • Guest
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #48 on: March 13, 2010, 20:54 »
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and glum.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

BUPA will cover the procedure costs, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "£5,000 for a male brain, and £200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women , but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,

"Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."


Hey girls, do I get brownie points for this?

Mark

*

philskin

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Location: Kinnerley nr oswestry shropshire
  • 628
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #49 on: March 13, 2010, 20:58 »
 Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
If the early bird gets the worm how come the 2nd mouse to the trap gets the cheese ??

*

philskin

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Location: Kinnerley nr oswestry shropshire
  • 628
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #50 on: March 13, 2010, 21:03 »
one for horsepooisgood

I cant understand why women want a driving licence , you dont need one to get from the bedroom to the kitchen

 whoops im off to the naughty step now lol

*

horsepooisgood

  • Guest
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #51 on: March 13, 2010, 21:18 »
Philskin I think you should follow in the steps of Gandhi. You are in soooooo much trouble :lol: :lol: :lol:

*

DavidT

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Cwmbran
  • 2679
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #52 on: March 13, 2010, 21:23 »
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and glum.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

BUPA will cover the procedure costs, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "£5,000 for a male brain, and £200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women , but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,

"Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."


Hey girls, do I get brownie points for this?

Mark


Creep. :tongue2: :tongue2: :D

*

DavidT

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Cwmbran
  • 2679
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #53 on: March 13, 2010, 21:25 »
one for horsepooisgood

I cant understand why women want a driving licence , you dont need one to get from the bedroom to the kitchen

 whoops im off to the naughty step now lol


They need it to find the vacuum cleaner and the iron, you silly boy. :lol: :lol:

*

wighty

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Isle of Wight
  • 4113
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #54 on: March 13, 2010, 21:37 »
Methinks the naughty step is overcrowded.  Although talking to my eldest on Thursday who is doing her NVQ in childcare, you are not supposed to comment on 'naughty' behaviour and only  concentrate on 'good'.  The chilldren in her nursery , when they say 'teddy has been naughty' are encoureged (sp) to say 'Teddy has been 'unkind''.

*

DavidT

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Cwmbran
  • 2679
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #55 on: March 13, 2010, 21:44 »
Unkind is even worse than naughty. It implies the child has victimised another child. :D

*

mumofstig

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Kent
  • 53735
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #56 on: March 13, 2010, 22:26 »
Quote
Why is the male brain so much more?"

surely the answer should be.....'because it is so hard to find a man with one'

well if David, and Phil can be facetious..so can I.. :tongue2:
Lesley x
I'm not good, I'm not bad - I'm just me, and sometimes I have to apologise for that ;)

*

plum crumble

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: near Maidenhead
  • 4904
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #57 on: March 13, 2010, 23:31 »
Mum - it's easy for them to be brave on a forum!!! :lol:
small, Welsh and almost certainly bonkers, but can be tamed with Talisker, if required

*

horsepooisgood

  • Guest
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #58 on: March 13, 2010, 23:59 »
I'm with you girls, let the dirty rotters have it. How dare they poke fun at the weaker sex.(Are we allowed to say that word) :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

*

Trillium

  • Guest
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #59 on: March 14, 2010, 00:12 »
A DEA agent, together with an ATF and an FBI agent as part of a task force, arrive at a ranch in western Nebraska.

The agents tell the rancher, "We need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."

The DEA agent verbally explodes saying, "Mister, we have the authority of the Federal Government with us."

Reaching into his rear pocket and removing his badge, the agent proudly displays it to the farmer.

"See this badge? This badge means we are allowed to go wherever we wish on any land. No questions asked nor answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the three agents running for their lives and close behind is the rancher's bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the agents. They are clearly terrified.

The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence, and yells at the top of his lungs...

"Your badges! Show him your badges!"



xx
Deliveries? You're having a laugh!

Started by Goosegirl on Chatting on the Plot

11 Replies
2758 Views
Last post December 31, 2017, 19:23
by Christine
xx
laugh or cry .... you decide.

Started by Lardman on Chatting on the Plot

45 Replies
5355 Views
Last post January 16, 2019, 13:26
by Goosegirl
xx
Peoples funny names

Started by mrs bouquet on Chatting on the Plot

11 Replies
2449 Views
Last post December 29, 2020, 13:42
by mrs bouquet
xx
how many give up after first year?

Started by Offwego on Chatting on the Plot

24 Replies
5338 Views
Last post January 07, 2018, 11:14
by Yorkshire Lass
 

Page created in 0.084 seconds with 45 queries.

Powered by SMFPacks Social Login Mod
Powered by SMFPacks SEO Pro Mod |