[mrs bouquet]

...at 9.10am today I had a 'phone call from Derek's Cousin.  He has not been in touch for about 15 years and was last living in NZ.   At that time he was visiting one of their uncles in Essex.   The uncle subsequently rang Derek and said he had this nephew  visit.     The uncle went on to say that he thought Nephew was on the financial scrounge.
So you can imagine my shocked surprise when he rang today.   I told him Derek had died, he said, Oh right!
He then talked about himself and the old family for 50 mins.  By this time, in fact after about 10 mins, I had lost all interest.   He is now living in Ireland with his romanian wife !!  Yes, Internet dating !).    Eventually, I said I had to go, and he said send me an email, and gave his address, so that we can keep in touch.

It has really left me feeling very uncomfortable and it is preying on my mind.   Do I really have to make further contact with him.   Part of me thinks he is the only relative of Derek's of whom I know, but part of me thinks, I have managed without him for years and years and years.  I feel I don't really want to go there, and Derek didnt like him anway 
Please help me,  regards,  Mrs Bouquet

[mumofstig]

I'd just ignore him MrsB - you don't HAVE to keep in touch if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Do you know how to block his phone number, so he doesn't bother you again?

[snowdrops]

I agree entirely with Mum, block him if you can & most definitely do not email him. Do you have caller display if so just don’t answer, if he continues to try to contact there are routes you can go down to stop him & please tell your children if you can about it.

[jaydig]

I agree with everything MoS and Snowdrops have said, and I would definitely flag up his approach with any other members of the family who he might contact, so that they are forewarned.  There seems to be something very suspect about this communication out of the blue after fifteen years, and I don't think for a minute that he's concerned with your health and wellbeing.  A wall of silence from you is the best defence against this, and I definitely wouldn't email him.  There's a lot of truth in the old saying "Let sleeping dogs lie".

Take care Mrs B.

[New shoot]

You do not have to do anything you don't want to Mrs B.  If it feels uncomfortable, then back away and don't encourage contact.  You are not duty bound to re-establish links with distant relatives you are not keen on.

As you say, you have managed without talking to him for years and been fine, so thanks but no thanks.

[GraciesGran]

I'm with the previous posts.  He's got in touch to suit him, ignore his.emails and phone calls   You've managed without him for this long so there is no need to let him  back into your life.

[Goosegirl]

I echo everybody's posts. There is something rather suspect about it all particularly as he didn't enquire into how you were doing. I have a cousin who is the same and only contacts me when he wants some family info and pics, plus telling me he's been made a freeman of where he lives (so?) and if he does it again I'll just be polite and say I don't have anything more to send. Your natural intuition is kicking in so go with that.

[mrs bouquet]

Thank you all for your words of wisdom.  I keep trying to think back about what he was saying.  Most of it was slagging off family people from way back who Derek never mentioned anyway.  Cousin did say, that he just happened to be looking through his telephone numbers and as his wife is away visiting in Romania or wherever, he thought it would be good to catch up.   Perhaps he was thinking they could come and be carers to me and Derek !!!!      I shall never know I hope.  It all seems very distasteful, but I am sure I shall forget it eventually.
When Derek was ill he suggested that we change from BT to Sky, and this I did.   When folk ring me they have to tell the Sky lady who they are, then she tells me.  This gives me option to accept, not answer, or permanently have the caller barred.   My 'phone also displays the number.     So that's it.  I am fairly certain that he does not have our address.   But if he turns up here,  he leaves with a "flea in his ear"
Can I again thank you all for read this and giving your views, it is interesting that they are all the same 
If I ever want to delve into this strange family, it will have to be Ancestry.        Mrs Bouquet.   Thank you, thank you..

[AlaninCarlisle]

Just follow your gut instinct and ignore him is my advice too

[Aunt Sally]

If anything feels wrong or uncomfortable to you... then don’t do it Mrs B !!!

March to no one else’s tune.

[jezza]

Hello if you can work out how to do it put a filter on your email system it'll automatically put his into spam  junk I was getting 32 emails a day from America mines now filtered to spam   jezza