[New shoot]

If you make a cup for someone famous, is that celebri-tea 

And if you can assume the lotus position and still make one, that must be flexibili-tea   

[hamstergbert]

....Just gimme a cup of Pukka Chai .......

would that be a cuppa with a couple of spoonfuls of alum stirred into it.  ahem.


teapot : wacky baccy to smoke while enjoying a cuppa.
Mr Tea : member of the A Team whose kettle was always on the go.
naugh-tea : badly behaved sailor's brew from a compass bearing of 0 degrees.
pari-tea : infusion (made of members of the cockatoo family) that is eual to normal tea
universi-tea : tea for the over-educated
Suits you to a tea : clothes appropriate for having a cuppa.
Mar-tea-knee : illness of mid-leg joints caused by mother drinking too much Earl Grey.
Artesian : Son Ian who works for Brooke Bond.
Cartesian : Son Ian who works in a drive-through cafe.
Teasing : producing music with words in praise of our national brew.

[Snoop]

And if this thread and the cuppa accompanying it go on for ever, that would be eterni-tea

[JayG]

Believed to be DD's preferred brew:  Peaty

Middle Eastern brew (possibly): Dubiety

More politically correct tea: Gaiety

[DD.]

Tea jokes aside............

WARNING TO ALL LORRY DRIVERS
Researchers for the Swansea Authority found over 200 dead crows near M4 recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

A Ornithological Behaviorist was called in to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Lorry."

[cadalot]

What's black deadly and lives in a tree
A crow with a sub machine gun..

OK I'm going 

[rogerbodger]

What does a crow take to work in his flask?
Caw-fee

[cadalot]

How do crows communicate between offices?

CAWnference Calls

[Goosegirl]

Caw blimey!  What does a fat crow suffer from? Cawpulence. How do crows communicate? By Cawrespondence. I'll get my cawt! 

[rogerbodger]

At risk of a murder if we get enough crow jokes 




My Chinese neighbour told me he'd just opened a "Crows shop".

I said, "Don't you mean a clothes shop?"

He said, "A Crows shop!"

I said, "OK, I might pop down for a Rook."

[devonbarmygardener]

For goodness sake!!
Just gimme a cup of Pukka Chai - can't joke about that can ya!!

I had one and was sick 

There's no accounting for taste 

[Growster...]

Can we re-tell the 'kipper tie' joke yet, or is that still subject to the Thirty Year Secrecy Law?

[Goosegirl]

At risk of a murder if we get enough crow jokes 

Nice one rogerbodger but we may be in danger of building up too much clamour if rooks come into the equation! 

[Snoop]

A bunch of thieving magpies in parliament could do for all of us.

[dugless]

Sort of funny
>> STELLA AWARDS:
> >> It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with
> these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot
> coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where
> she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it
> between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get
> burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most
> outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S.
>
 Here are the Stellas for year -- 2013:
* SEVENTH PLACE
*
 Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her
> peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
> furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict,
> considering the running toddler was her own son
 
>
 * SIXTH PLACE *
>
 Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical
> expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman
> apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was
> trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. ..
>
 * FIFTH PLACE

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had
> just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic
> garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open.
> Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to
> the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count
> 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food,
> he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish.
> Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for
> his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are
> more...
.
* FOURTH PLACE *

 Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's
> when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the
> butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain
> in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for
> because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of
> the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and
> repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun

 * THIRD PLACE *
 Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a
> Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft
> drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms.
> Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
> 
*SECOND PLACE*
>
 Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a
> nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking
> out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the
> ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the
> night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go
> figure.
>
* FIRST PLACE *
> This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv
> Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago
> motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on
> to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the
> driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.
> Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also
> not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's
> manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise
> control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?
 $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals
> as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who
> might also buy a motor home