[rogerbodger]

six of the seven dwarfs are not happy 

On the positive side a similar proportion of dwarves are grumpy, which is lower than the national average, although statisticians point out that it is a small sample group. Psychologists have concluded that just over 71% of the sample group are neither happy nor grumpy but are somewhere between the two.

[azubah]

It's good to hear on the news that supermarkets are moving daffodils away from the food aisles, a mate of mine ate a daffodil the other day and had to be rushed to hospital. The good news is that he'll be out in the spring



OK .... I'll get my coat

I like this one best. :-)

[A. Fallowfield]

The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon: "I have some good news and, I have some bad news” The tycoon replies: "I’ve had an awful day, let's hear the good news first”. The lawyer says:  “Your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures today that she figures are worth a minimum of $2 million”. The tycoon replies enthusiastically:  “Well done, very good news indeed!  You've just made my day; now what’s the bad news?” The lawyer answers:  “The pictures are of you and your secretary!”.

[hamstergbert]

more good news, bad news.

The good news is that I've just been promoted to Branch Manager!
The bad news is that it is the Midsomer branch.....


An angel appeared and told me the good news is that lots of rugby is played in Heaven!
The bad news is that they have me down on next week's team list......



The good news is that I am going to be famous!
The bad news is that this is by having the disease named after me....

[rogerbodger]

I saw a funeral procession in town yesterday. It was unusual though as there was no coffin, it turns out the deceased was Dr Strepsil, inventor of the throat lozenge.

[dugless]

I saw a funeral procession in town yesterday. It was unusual though as there was no coffin, it turns out the deceased was Dr Strepsil, inventor of the throat lozenge.

that was gross big grone 

[Steveharford]

hmm I dont get it 😳

[mumofstig]

No coffin = no coughing 

[Steveharford]

Oh yeessss! I'm a bit slow on a Sunday 😜

[Mr Dog]

Two fish in a tank.

Fred turns to Bubbles and says "you know how to drive this thing then?"

[dugless]

In the same yuck vein

My wife and I have become incompatible
 I have no income and she is no longer patible

[Blackpool rocket]

Hi all, is there room for a "sort of" new boy?

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan."

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds,

"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

[Beekissed]

   Very slick, funny! 

[joyfull]

 

[rogerbodger]

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground yesterday .... we went from Barking to Tooting in under an hour