The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

  • 4196 Replies
  • 845375 Views
*

Mr Dog

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Pontefract
  • 1079
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3990 on: December 23, 2020, 10:58 »
..
IMG-20201223-WA0002.jpg

*

Growing Weather

  • Full Member
  • **
  • Location: Ascott Under Wychwood
  • 87
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3991 on: December 23, 2020, 11:36 »
Only a few Christmas's ago I was really down everyone around me seemed to be doing really well and were as happy as Larry. I was down to my last few pounds and ended up having to sell my house. It wasn't long before unfortunately I ended up in prison.


 But then I threw a double six, passed go and collected £200 and bought a hotel!

*

Growing Weather

  • Full Member
  • **
  • Location: Ascott Under Wychwood
  • 87
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3992 on: December 23, 2020, 11:41 »
When you clean a vacuum cleaner you


become a vacuum cleaner!

*

Mr Dog

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Pontefract
  • 1079
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3993 on: December 23, 2020, 17:13 »
Breaking news... 

I've just been reliably informed that Cornwall is to be placed into Tier 4 with immediate effect. Apparently all the pirates returning home for Christmas have sent the Arrrrrgh rate through the roof! 

*

New shoot

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Reading
  • 18330
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3994 on: December 23, 2020, 17:35 »
That reminds me of my all time favourite pirate joke.

Why are pirates so norty ...

... because they just arrrrrrgh

*

DanielCoffey

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Location: South Ayrshire, UK
  • 636
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3995 on: December 25, 2020, 11:02 »
My sister has just posted this on our family WhatsApp group. My six year old niece is the one making the comment...

"Yesterday Joanna caught me cleaning and said in a conspiratorial voice, "I know what you're doing. You're cleaning the bathroom just in case Father Christmas needs a wee!" (Giggle, giggle)."

*

DanielCoffey

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Location: South Ayrshire, UK
  • 636
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3996 on: December 28, 2020, 12:12 »
Inspired by a post-Christmas comment by my parents...

To the tune of "What shall we do with a Drunken Sailor?"

What shall we do with the Christmas Turkey,
What shall we do with the Christmas Turkey,
What shall we do with the Christmas Turkey,
Early in the New Year?

Chop its legs off and chuck'em in the freezer,
Chop its legs off and chuck'em in the freezer,
Chop its legs off and chuck'em in the freezer,
Early in the New Year!

Slice it up and put it in a sarnie,
Slice it up and put it in a sarnie,
Slice it up and put it in a sarnie,
Early in the New Year!

Boil it up and turn it into curry,
Boil it up and turn it into curry,
Boil it up and turn it into curry,
Early in the New Year!
« Last Edit: December 28, 2020, 13:31 by DanielCoffey »

*

John

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Clogwyn Melyn, Gwynedd
  • 17113
    • Low Cost Living
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3997 on: December 28, 2020, 14:49 »
Mince it up, make turkey burgers,
Mince it up, make turkey burgers,
Mince it up, make turkey burgers,
Early in the New Year!
Check out our books - ideal presents

John and Val Harrison's Books
 

*

Growster...

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Hawkhurst, Kent
  • 13162
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3998 on: December 29, 2020, 05:23 »
I just got knocked down and run over by a lorry salting the roads!

"I'll get you one day, you swine"!

...I said through gritted teeth.

*

mumofstig

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Kent
  • 57877

*

Growster...

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Hawkhurst, Kent
  • 13162
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4000 on: January 12, 2021, 07:16 »
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

*

Blackpool rocket

  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Location: North East Hampshire
  • 522
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4001 on: January 15, 2021, 16:28 »
Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.


Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it.

*

mrs bouquet

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Worthing,West Sussex
  • 5874
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4002 on: January 22, 2021, 14:39 »
I have got a pair of Mo Farah's socks.       They are great for athletes foot   !!

I finally did it.     Bought a pair of shoes with memory foam insoles.     No more forgetting why I walked into the kitchen.   
                                                   and facts about staying heathy

1.  If walking and cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2.   A whale swims all day, only eats crill and drinks water,  why is it fat ? .

3.    A rabbit runs and hops alot, but only lives for 15 years.

4.    A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing - yet lives for 450 years.

AND I AM TOLD TO EXERCISE      -       I don't think so. 

Mrs Bouquet
Birds in cages do not sing  -  They are crying.

*

Tenhens

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: North Derbyshire
  • 1259
  • freedom lodge for tenhens ex battery 1 year on
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4003 on: January 23, 2021, 11:29 »
The reason why rabbits only live for 15 years is because they are so ' busy ' if you get my drift  ;) ;) the tortoise would appear to have sussed this out .
we also rescue rabbits and guinea pigs, grow own veg

*

Growster...

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Location: Hawkhurst, Kent
  • 13162
Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4004 on: January 24, 2021, 08:04 »
I knew a chap who was invited to a fancy dress party on Saturday!

He decided to go as a tortoise, so he left home on Thursday night to get there on time...



xx
give us our daily bread

Started by rowlandwells on Chatting on the Plot

18 Replies
1707 Views
Last post March 13, 2022, 09:54
by lettice
xx
Deliveries? You're having a laugh!

Started by Goosegirl on Chatting on the Plot

11 Replies
3807 Views
Last post December 31, 2017, 19:23
by Christine
xx
laugh or cry .... you decide.

Started by Lardman on Chatting on the Plot

45 Replies
8254 Views
Last post January 16, 2019, 13:26
by Goosegirl
xx
A funny mis-read.

Started by Goosegirl on Chatting on the Plot

1 Replies
223 Views
Last post November 03, 2023, 17:44
by wighty
 

Page created in 0.197 seconds with 51 queries.

Powered by SMFPacks Social Login Mod
Powered by SMFPacks SEO Pro Mod |