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Author Topic: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...  (Read 1667 times)

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Growster...

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Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« on: July 15, 2017, 17:54 »
'Lurkers' are those runner beans which grow right at the bottom of the plant, near the soil (and the weeds)!

They grow quickly, hide under broad-leaf weeds, and are never seen until it's too late! The plant gets the hump, decides that nobody wants its crop half-way up the pole and slows down or stops...

Yields are hugely diminished by 'lurkers', and there's only one way to find them, and that is to lie down next to the plants, call out to them, even 'furtle' the greenery, and sure enough you'll find them!

Two days ago, I found just one; today I found FOUR, and that would have meant an awful lot of beans further down the line!

So lie down, think of England, and tackle your 'lurkers' before it's too late...;0)


Fairy Plotmother

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2017, 18:11 »
 :lol: :lol: :lol:

mumofstig

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2017, 18:30 »
 :nowink:
Lesley
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I'm not good, I'm not bad, I'm just me - and sometimes I have to apologise for that.

AlaninCarlisle

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2017, 18:41 »
Do you furtle for them?

Salmo

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2017, 18:43 »
Lie down and talk to your beans??? If you ask me Growster it is already too late, you have completely lost it.

snowdrops

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2017, 19:27 »
  :lol: :lol: :lol:, you're bonkers :lol:

Lottiman

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2017, 21:18 »
He he he love it :D totally spot on too. A furtle a day keeps the lurkers away  :lol:
Optimism probably a gardeners best tool.

Growster...

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2017, 05:24 »
Considering the consequences of losing so many beans, (here, it would be a serious look from Mrs Growster, which contains enough consequences to last until the winter), it's not rocket science to get to the root of the problem!

We grow about sixty beans in one row, so losing the potential crop from five plants means a loss of about 8%, which is not acceptable in my book, especially as a furtle for lurkers is a simple operation, and takes only a few minutes!

Why not organise a group Lurkerfest on allotments? Everyone appears, with a plastic sheet to lie on, or maybe even a camp bed, and is supplied with a Lurkerlamp, specially designed for the process! (These are available for 350.00 + vat from Growsterlurks Inc), and there is a prize for the number of lurkers discovered. Lurkerlamps will also work up to an hour after darkness, so that means they can be used for nearly twenty hours a day; more than enough to hoik out lurkers after the initial furtle!

I don't really know why I give all this advice for free - there's many a gardener who would pay a lot of cash for such information, but being an amiable old chap, I'll not charge a single penny...

arh

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #8 on: July 16, 2017, 07:35 »
You are so right Growster,

New shoot

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #9 on: July 16, 2017, 08:15 »
and is supplied with a Lurkerlamp, specially designed for the process! (These are available for 350.00 + vat from Growsterlurks Inc) ...

... I don't really know why I give all this advice for free - there's many a gardener who would pay a lot of cash for such information, but being an amiable old chap, I'll not charge a single penny...

Aha!  A sneaky plan to flood the market with Lurkerlamps before the competition realise the opportunity is there for a product we didn't even know we all needed  :ohmy:

Surely a commercial mastermind at work, or perhaps just a chancer, or maybe you are just bonkers after all  :lol: 

By the way, does Growsterlurks have a product to aid furtling for courgettes and cucumbers.  Its my own fault.  I've put loads of these and squash into an area on the plot and now its a mass of waving tendrils and foliage.  I was thinking of a light mounted on the end of a furtling stick.  A cutting blade and catch net would be nice as well  :)

azubah

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #10 on: July 16, 2017, 10:31 »
Might be easier to pick off the lower flowers before they set, as red is easier to spot than green beans on green leaves. That is if you are not colour blind and can remember to do it next year.

Growster...

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #11 on: July 16, 2017, 12:30 »
"By the way, does Growsterlurks have a product to aid furtling for courgettes and cucumbers.  Its my own fault.  I've put loads of these and squash into an area on the plot and now its a mass of waving tendrils and foliage.  I was thinking of a light mounted on the end of a furtling stick.  A cutting blade and catch net would be nice as well"

News, there is an extendable version known as a Growsterlop, which is used to cut wistaria etc from the ground, obviating the need for a ladder. (Growstersteps went into liquidation last year, or was it just liquid - the memory fades after a few months)...

Anyway, a stainless steel Growsterlop, with integral LED bulb and 3" blade would be perfect for your needs! In fact, I have one right here, price 375.00 plus vat, if you'd like one. I can send it second-class post for self assembly too if you like! (Batteries not included - needs 400 AAA Eveready in a back pack)!

A second-hand Growsternet for cucurbits sold on Ebay recently for 200.00, so keep an eye out for one, otherwise, a new one will set you back 275.00 plus SET).

juvenal

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #12 on: July 16, 2017, 19:35 »
I've hired some local Ghurkas
To furtle for my lurkers
They're men of solid mettle
And fear not dock or nettle
For they have served HM The Queen
And fear no errant runner bean....
« Last Edit: July 16, 2017, 19:51 by juvenal »

Growster...

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #13 on: July 16, 2017, 19:55 »
I've hired some local Ghurkas
To furtle for my lurkers
They're men of solid mettle
And fear not dock or nettle
For they have served HM The Queen
And fear no errant runner bean....

Poetry will get you anywhere, Juvenal!

Have a 10% discount on all Growster products - offer expires at 20:00 16th July 2017...

sunshineband

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Re: Lie down, lie down for lurkers...
« Reply #14 on: July 17, 2017, 08:10 »
I've hired some local Ghurkas
To furtle for my lurkers
They're men of solid mettle
And fear not dock or nettle
For they have served HM The Queen
And fear no errant runner bean....

Poetry will get you anywhere, Juvenal!

Have a 10% discount on all Growster products - offer expires at 20:00 16th July 2017...

Oh no! I have missed the special offer.... but on the other hand, there are helpful Gurkhas a-plenty on our site. Or of course I can do the job myself!
Wisdom is knowing what to ignore - be comfortable in your own skin

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