The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3585 on: November 16, 2017, 22:10 »
That was brilliant!  :D :D :D
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JayG

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3586 on: November 29, 2017, 18:05 »
Despite of course being highly intelligent (::)) orangutans can often be amused by even the simplest things:

https://youtu.be/OLrYzY3jVPY
Sow your seeds, plant your plants, and plonk your potatoes in the soil.

One of the best things about being an orang-utan is the fact that you don't lose your good looks as you get older.

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Plot 6B

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3587 on: November 30, 2017, 18:12 »
What do you call two guy's hanging around a window?

Kurt n Rod......................
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mumofstig

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3588 on: November 30, 2017, 18:16 »
Chuckle -  :nowink:
Lesley
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I'm not good, I'm not bad, I'm just me - and sometimes I have to apologise for that.

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Tenhens

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3589 on: December 06, 2017, 15:51 »
This may be taking ' Give us a laugh' to new boundaries , have been looking at the football World Cup Groups and Schedules on the BBC sports pages .  Group G lists the following

Belgium
Panama
Tunisia
England

Are they trying to tell us something???

Like the 'window' gag, very good!!
we also rescue rabbits and guinea pigs,grow own veg

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3590 on: December 07, 2017, 10:09 »
At least we're not up against Iceland!  :ohmy:

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rogerbodger

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3591 on: December 07, 2017, 20:09 »
What do you call two guy's hanging around a window?

Kurt n Rod......................

Was Annette there as well?

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3592 on: December 08, 2017, 00:02 »
More a tip than a joke.

If you're ever arrested and get cautioned, just say "It's a fair cop, Guv. You've got me bang to rights." The court will never believe you said it and you'll be found not guilty in a jiffy.

Thing not to say when stopped for speeding on the M1..
Officer, "And why were you doing 88 mph?"
Me, "Because that guy in front wouldn't shift over and let me put my foot down"

Not a smile crossed his face and I knew I was doomed!


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Pescador

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3593 on: December 08, 2017, 11:18 »
The most important thing is to celebrate this Festive Season with epicurean integrity.
Whatever your choice of main dishes, be sure to allow for the highest quality of fermented curd. A meal can be turned into a banquet by the correct choice of a glorious cheese.
Forego the thin slice of mundane normality purchased from the deli counter, or the pre-packed sweaty lump of blue vein, or, even the miniature versions, Baby Belle,  Lunch-pack cheddar, Kraft slices  or Baby Brie etc.
Purchase a complete round, with its beautiful crusted rind and experience the full flavour of your chosen cheese.
Go for the whole item......
for, when it’s Christmas Day ………………………………………..

(to be said in your best Irish accent)
you should never eat The Baby Cheeses!!!!!
Every Pickle Helps!

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hamstergbert

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3594 on: December 13, 2017, 11:56 »
Some years ago, one of the civilian stewards retired from working in the Wardroom mess in Faslane, so it was of course necessary to bring in a suitable replacement, due to start the following week.

    Come Monday morning and the uniformed Petty Office steward found a tall young chap loitering in the Wardroom entrance foyer. "You must be the new steward," he called out.  "Don't just stand there, get your white jacket on and let's get you started."

    The young chap raised on aristocratic eyebrow and replied in full old Etonian drawl, "Actually, I'm Sub Lieutenant Tarquin Artington-Phartington. I'm certainly not your new steward, and I'll thank you to be polite and say 'sir' when you address me."

    Just then the mess manager appeared.  "The new steward is waiting outside my office", he told the Petty Officer Steward. 

    He gestured at the Sub Lieutenant and grinned, "He's not the mess hire, he's just an haughty boy...."




I'll get me coat
The Dales - probably fingerprint marks where God's hand touched the world

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3595 on: December 13, 2017, 14:22 »
Nice One!  :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Growster...

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3596 on: December 13, 2017, 20:53 »
More a tip than a joke.

If you're ever arrested and get cautioned, just say "It's a fair cop, Guv. You've got me bang to rights." The court will never believe you said it and you'll be found not guilty in a jiffy.

Thing not to say when stopped for speeding on the M1..
Officer, "And why were you doing 88 mph?"
Me, "Because that guy in front wouldn't shift over and let me put my foot down"

Not a smile crossed his face and I knew I was doomed!

Nice one John!

A good chum had to attend a course after being caught speeding. He's a petrol-head, and thinks he's Sterling Moss or someone younger, but a good pal all the same.

He started by having an argument with the cop running the show, and was probably right in challenging him about a beat-up old Escort having the same brakes as a Merc, so that started the rot. The man next to him leaned over and admitted that he was also a cop, and that my chum was absolutely right, but he'd been 'done', by another force, and the chap wouldn't back down on the ticket!

The afternoon didn't end well, especially when my friend called out to everyone, 'Right, the last person back to Reigate's a cissy'...

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John

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3597 on: Yesterday at 00:04 »
We were showing some friends around the area, not rushing at all - in fact I pulled over a couple of times to let others past who were in a hurry. Couple of weeks later the ticket arrived - I thought I was able to do 60 but it was one of those villages consisting of 5 houses and a pub around a main road and a 30mph sign.
I was doing a little over 30 so got offered the course option.
It was obvious they were trying really hard to fill the time allotted and it really dragged. But it did change my attitude in one way - I no longer feel obliged to speed up because others want to go faster. If it's a 30 or 40 limit, I do it. Big queue behind me? Tough. Then again, I'm rarely in a hurry nowadays and if I do slip over Val's happy to point it out loudly :)

However, another true and funny story..

It was our wedding anniversary and I was working late - about 11pm. I grabbed a box of chocs from the garage and was pushing home through a wet Birmingham night. Just heading onto the slip road for the M6 when the blue light appeared  behind me. Pulled onto the hard shoulder and the policeman knocked on the passenger window.
Got the usual sarcastic question "What's the rush?" - quick as a flash I pointed at the box of Milk Tray on the dash and said "Because the lady loves..."
He actually laughed but I could see I wasn't clear yet. Since it was pouring with rain, I suggested he get in the car to book me and he did. Then he asked if I'd been in the pub so I explained I'd been working (sales) and it was our anniversary and I was going to be in so much hot water but needed the sale.
Well blow me down - he started on about how his wife didn't understand him and the pressures of the job and so forth.
About an hour later the rain had eased off so he thanked me for the chat, cautioned me to be a better driver and went back to his car. No ticket!!! RESULT
So an hour's drive later I got home. She doesn't like milk chocs, dinner is in the cat and I might have been better off banged up in a cell overnight.


 

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