[viettaclark]

Paroxysms of laughter on reading this .   
Just the thing to brighten up this grey day!

[8doubles]

Give the plant a shake , a lurker will give itself away by still swinging when the rest has stopped !

[Aidy]

thought you meant these Lurkers at first
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZKWffik1FE

Only Lurkers I ever knew 

[Growster...]

Give the plant a shake , a lurker will give itself away by still swinging when the rest has stopped !

Eight, I never would have thought of that, so the 10% discount on all Growster products is yours for the taking! (the offer expires at 20:00 hrs 20th July 2017...

I even found another lurker yesterday, and it was definitely not on the Growsteradar a few days ago!

I must lie down a bit more methinks...

[Growster...]

thought you meant these Lurkers at first
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZKWffik1FE

Only Lurkers I ever knew 

Aidy, a lovely chum near here was a real punk fanatic, so I'll forward her the link if I may!

Thank you for that, my hearing will probably return to normal in a week or so...

[Growster...]

Paroxysms of laughter on reading this .   
Just the thing to brighten up this grey day!

Vietta, while not wishing to 'bump' the post up again, I have just discovered another strain of lurker.

Everybody knows that courgettes have lurkers which grow into marrows at the drop of a hat, but I've never realised that once a plethora of lurkers takes over, the plant does the same as the beans, gets the hump, and only produces male flowers!

I actually want some courgettes this weekend to give to a daught, and there's only one coming along - all the other flowers are male!

[sunshineband]

I found a lurker this morning, tucked behind the edge of the raised bed in the polytunnel..  a Diva cucumber. It was only the expected 8-9 ins long, but weighed 775g 😨😨😨

[Goosegirl]

Growsterlurks??  Growsterlarks is more like it. I bought three items from him such as the Growsterlop (I sent it back because everything went lop-sided), the Growsternet (it had more holes in it than an expert fisherman could mend, and the Growstersteps (using them felt like doing Strictly Come Dancing in clogs because my little legs wouldn't lift high enough to get to the next step) and the cheapskate still hasn't refunded me! 

Would you pay out all that hard-earned wonga for something you could easily make yourself with a little help from a friend? No, and neither would I. All you need are some bamboo canes, aluminium foil, sticky-back plastic (any colour as long as it's black), insulting tape (any colour as long as it's not pink) and some solar-operated lights. Ah, I nearly forgot, this equipment is patented so the instructions as to how it's constructed, used, and the Health and Safety aspects are only available from Goosers Ink, but the charges are very reasonable especially if you include the annual updates. Also available are some rather nice garden gnomes equipped with wind-up operated lights along with moving fishing rods which can be placed around the beans thus providing not only illumination but a means of catching the said hiding vegetables and all at a cost of a few nights out! What more could you want!

[DanielCoffey]

As a tester of the Growsterlurks Lurkermat, I am now out of my Non Disclosure Agreement. I can happily report that the 4-foot by 1-foot black poly-ethylene Lurkermat is a very effective product and a snip at £99 each (or £299 for three).

Any negative reviews claiming that they are "merely a black bin bag from Poundland cut in half" have been attributed to one unhappy customer who bought a counterfeit product. Make sure to only buy Original Growsterlurks merchandise!

[Goosegirl]

As a tester for the sublime (or should that be supine) Growster and, on reading your post in depth, you must have had some personal remuneration such as a case of home-made alcoholic beverage. Am I right? If so, for God's sake don't even think about opening it unless you are very, very brave!  I tried some once and my brain has never been the same since. While I was in intensive care, I decided to form Goosers Ink in order to combat  charlatans like him who make enormous profits from people like you; hence (and this is almost on the production line) I am happy to personally announce the forthcoming Goosers Wing-Mat (Model 1) which operates on the principle of a hovercraft to make it easier to pick lower down without the hassle of lugging it about (bicycle pump not included). I'm now in the process of formulating the Model 2 version that includes a built-in massager to alleviate those aches and pains we gardeners often get. Non-rechargeable batteries included but the Goosers herbal bath oil is extra and non-refundable if you don't use it properly as per instructions which can be downloaded via my Website when I've set it up and running!

[Growster...]

Goosey, I've never actually downloaded anything like Gooseoil, and wonder why I am so backward in coming forward! Growsterlarks are for the professional, as I'd have hoped you would have understood, but for the sake of complacency, I'll degrade!

How do you do it? Is it some sort of tap on the PC or screen, which just 'turns on' a dollop of the material, or something? Please alleviate...

However, the WingMat strikes a chord; probably in B Flat, but exponents of Schoenberg may differ, and perhaps a short blast of Jenkins might help the streams of tenor...

I'd suggest that we campaign for rechargeable Wingmats on every allotment in the UK, at a suitable rent of course, and that the sedentary position should be realigned to suit LurkerSearch, which is necessary on so many vegetable plants at this time of year!

Daniel, I now come to your suggestion, having exhausted Goosey's fantasies!

You are welcome to join in a venture, where we purchase several pieces of black plastic from a subsidiary, Growsterplas, and at a considerable discount! (Goosey knows about this firm, but chooses to stay very, very quiet where black plastic is concerned..;0)

We need to talk very soon, preferably before Goosey gets legal, and writs abound...;0)

[juvenal]

I knew I should have left my break
‘til later in the season.
Courgettes – when unattended –
Expand beyond all reason

This morning I stood still, in shock
Then yelled for help and a barrow,
I’d missed a six inch lurker -
And come back to a four foot marrow!

[Growster...]

Ha ha ha, Juvenal, love it!

Gotta be the next competition...

[viettaclark]

Mangetoutes are the new lurker crop. Forget about marrows....we have an 8" pod that looks like a whale fluke.

[Growster...]

Mangetoutes are the new lurker crop. Forget about marrows....we have an 8" pod that looks like a whale fluke.

Ha ha ha!

Vietta, I'm struggling to think what a whale fluke could look like...

Do you mean one of those 'orrible things which swim up -er - (comment moderated by Mrs Growster), or just that it's the size of a whale...?

We used to grow mangetout, and always forgot them, so perhaps we just made a trout-fluke, maybe a sardine-fluke but never a whale one!

Lurkers are a sign of the time of year, I found two more runner bean ones the other day, and they went straight in the bin!

But, as Sunny says, some French beans just have to turn into lurkers, as it's the seed you need to dry and keep for the winter! We've been noshing them like runners, and feeling a bit smug - and fat into the bargain, until we learned where we were going wrong...:0[

(But the 'Cherokee Trail of Tears' beans are to die for - the best and sweetest we've ever grown, and definitely on the list for next year)! Thanks yet again Sunny!