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Author Topic: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!  (Read 408781 times)

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davethespread

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The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« on: March 10, 2010, 14:28 »
A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed.
The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.
The carpenter replied,"twenty-seven feet,six and one half inches."
"What? how come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer.
"well,i knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me,so i measured it!"replied the carpenter.
                                 _____________________________

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile,gave him a broom,and said,"your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"but im a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"oh im sorry,i did'nt realize that,"said the manager.
"here,give me the broom--i'll show you how."
i dont suffer with insanity..........i enjoy every minute of it.


arugula

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2010, 15:12 »
 :D :D
"They say a snow year's a good year" -- Rutherford.

hamstergbert

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2010, 15:14 »
A graduate of Trinity College Dublin, despairing of obtaining work in his academic field, decided to adhere to stereotype and applied for a job as a builder's labourer.  The foreman looked askance at the graduate's soft hands and pasty complexion and reckoned that this candidate was wasting his time, and would know nothing about the construction industry.  However being a fair man he decided to ask a question of two anyway.
"Right then," he said.  "Do you know the difference between 'Joist' and 'Girder'?"
"Of course!" replied the graduate.  "Joist wrote 'Ulysses' and Girder wrote 'The Damnation of Doctor Faust'!"

I'll get me coat..........
The Dales - probably fingerprint marks where God's hand touched the world

arugula

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2010, 15:18 »
I like that too! :D

madcat

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2010, 15:20 »
 :D :D :D :D

(must send it to the Dublin English PhD I know .....  he works in IT these days for the same reason!)
All we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about (Charles Kingsley)

madcat

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #5 on: March 10, 2010, 17:26 »
Our cat's just eaten our flock of ducks.  :ohmy:

Now he's a duck filled fattypuss. ::)


plum crumble

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2010, 17:31 »
 :lol: :lol:
small, Welsh and almost certainly bonkers, but can be tamed with Talisker, if required

plot6b

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #7 on: March 10, 2010, 18:19 »
Something along the same theme;
I'm typing this slowly because I know you cannot read very fast :) :)

davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2010, 19:10 »
my dad always said to me.......son women are like guns keep one around long enough and you will want to shoot it :D

plum crumble

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #9 on: March 10, 2010, 19:46 »
ye..aaasssssssssss
hmmm

JayG

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #10 on: March 10, 2010, 19:51 »
My dad always used to say "Don't go out with a woman with big hands 'cos it will make your dinner look small!"

(Something like that, anyway!)  :nowink:
Sow your seeds, plant your plants, and plonk your potatoes in the soil.

One of the best things about being an orang-utan is the fact that you don't lose your good looks as you get older.

plum crumble

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #11 on: March 10, 2010, 19:59 »
Cracker, but keep it clean people!  :lol:
« Last Edit: March 16, 2010, 23:54 by peapod »

davethespread

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #12 on: March 11, 2010, 07:35 »
me and my mrs had a row last night,and she said,"you know what, i was a fool when i married you",so i said "i know but i was in love and i did'nt notice"

peapod

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #13 on: March 11, 2010, 07:41 »
Thats your tea burned today  :lol:
"I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. The carrot has mystery. Flowers are essentially tarts. Prostitutes for the bees. There is, you'll agree, a certain je ne sais quoi oh so very special about a firm young carrot" Withnail and I

plum crumble

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Re: The Daily Funny - Give us a Laugh!
« Reply #14 on: March 11, 2010, 07:45 »
hello Peapod - 1-1 then?



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