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Author Topic: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...  (Read 425 times)

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Growster...

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New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« on: June 18, 2017, 22:42 »
Iphoneckitis - from gawping at the screen of a mobile phone for about seven hours a day! The neck loses the ability to react with the vertebrae, and the head just falls limply onto the sagging shoulders. The mouth becomes a flabby appendage and conversation is limited to grunts and incoherent coughs.

And Strimmersankles - lacerations from the strimmer and subsequent bleeding and possibly medical incarceration...
« Last Edit: June 18, 2017, 22:44 by Growster... »


madcat

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2017, 22:48 »
Neckcrack - the sore neck held at a slight angle and cracking sound when moved that is the result of two solid hours topping and tailing soft fruit for the freezer. 
All we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about (Charles Kingsley)

Growster...

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2017, 05:46 »
Nice one Madcat!

It's a very similar affliction to Broadbeanthumb, which occurs about the same time that the last beans never actually get pulled out, because the thumb has lost the will to live...

madcat

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2017, 09:09 »
Another symptom of Broadbeanthumb is the skin goes black, because who can be bothered with gloves just to pod a 'few' broad beans.  <Sigh>  Try explaining that one to customers ...    ::)

mumofstig

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2017, 12:13 »
Little toe angularitis quickly appears in this house when it is hot enough to be shoeless  8) eg this morning   ::)
Caused by failure to judge how much room to allow between said toe and (usually) the door frame! OUCH! Symptoms are toe pointing out sideways, hurting like mad and the air turning blue  :ohmy:
Followed by prompt sitting down, clicking toe back to correct position and applying ice for about 20 minutes to said digit.

Ho hum!

Lesley
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I'm not good, I'm not bad, I'm just me - and sometimes I have to apologise for that.

Goosegirl

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2017, 13:53 »
Entangleitis - bodily pains from tripping over various hoses, wires, and other similarly coiled items.
Troweler's wrist - usually occurs after several days attempting to remove couch grass by hand especially in dry conditions.
Hypermelanoplasia
(a.k.a.Splatter's Disease) - due to an excessive application of black fencing preservative in windy conditions without suitable skin protection and is exacerbated by attempting to remove said preservative using paint thinner, methylated spirits, green scouring pads or wire wool.
Dyslingua Saxonaria - a mental condition brought about by the habitual use of certain swear words in private which is later brought into normal conversation with other people.
Lostitemosis - (a.k.a. Gooser's Disease) this often disturbing condition results from either having a good tidy-up, or from putting small hand-tools down in amongst various plants without due care and consideration for their eventual retrieval when needed. This condition has been found to occur in about 70% of the population and unfortunately is incurable.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2017, 13:54 by Goosegirl »
"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend." Martin Luther King.

snowdrops

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #6 on: June 19, 2017, 17:25 »
I'm now suffering from whydidntidoitbeforeitis after spending the after noon with a bottle of t cut & a pan scratty, cleaning a carrier bag ful of plant labels, that have either been breeding in said bag or I've not done them for the last 200 years & given that I'm only 99 I think it is the former 😅😅

Yorkie

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #7 on: June 19, 2017, 20:06 »
Little toe angularitis quickly appears in this house when it is hot enough to be shoeless  8) eg this morning   ::)
Caused by failure to judge how much room to allow between said toe and (usually) the door frame! OUCH! Symptoms are toe pointing out sideways, hurting like mad and the air turning blue  :ohmy:
Followed by prompt sitting down, clicking toe back to correct position and applying ice for about 20 minutes to said digit.

Ho hum!

Or, when I was 15, a trip to A&E when Mum came home!  :ohmy:
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days all attack me at once...

Growster...

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #8 on: June 19, 2017, 20:34 »
New one today; Sandalbike...

Directly one gets on a bicycle in all this heat, there's a puncture...

mumofstig

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #9 on: June 19, 2017, 20:38 »
Little toe angularitis quickly appears in this house when it is hot enough to be shoeless  8) eg this morning   ::)
Caused by failure to judge how much room to allow between said toe and (usually) the door frame! OUCH! Symptoms are toe pointing out sideways, hurting like mad and the air turning blue  :ohmy:
Followed by prompt sitting down, clicking toe back to correct position and applying ice for about 20 minutes to said digit.

Ho hum!

Or, when I was 15, a trip to A&E when Mum came home!  :ohmy:

I've done it so many times over the ears, that by now I know how to put it right  :nowink:

Growster...

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #10 on: June 19, 2017, 20:52 »
Little toe angularitis quickly appears in this house when it is hot enough to be shoeless  8) eg this morning   ::)
Caused by failure to judge how much room to allow between said toe and (usually) the door frame! OUCH! Symptoms are toe pointing out sideways, hurting like mad and the air turning blue  :ohmy:
Followed by prompt sitting down, clicking toe back to correct position and applying ice for about 20 minutes to said digit.

Ho hum!

Or, when I was 15, a trip to A&E when Mum came home!  :ohmy:

I've done it so many times over the ears, that by now I know how to put it right  :nowink:

Mum I hope that's a typo..;0)

Fairy Plotmother

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #11 on: June 19, 2017, 21:54 »
Little toe angularitis quickly appears in this house when it is hot enough to be shoeless  8) eg this morning   ::)
Caused by failure to judge how much room to allow between said toe and (usually) the door frame! OUCH! Symptoms are toe pointing out sideways, hurting like mad and the air turning blue  :ohmy:
Followed by prompt sitting down, clicking toe back to correct position and applying ice for about 20 minutes to said digit.

Ho hum!

Or, when I was 15, a trip to A&E when Mum came home!  :ohmy:

I've done it so many times over the ears, that by now I know how to put it right  :nowink:

Mum I hope that's a typo..;0)
🤣🤣🤣

mumofstig

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #12 on: June 19, 2017, 22:07 »
 :lol: :lol: :lol:

Aidy

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #13 on: June 22, 2017, 10:02 »
Iphoneckitis -
Fortunately I would never suffer from such a problem as even in full radioactive kit I would never touch iBricks

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Punk isn't dead...it's underground where it belongs. If it comes to the surface it's no longer punk...it's Green Day!

Growster...

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Re: New ailments - gardening and otherwise...
« Reply #14 on: June 22, 2017, 15:08 »
Iphoneckitis -
Fortunately I would never suffer from such a problem as even in full radioactive kit I would never touch iBricks

Surely there's a track somewhere called 'Rock the iCasbah' Aidy...;0)



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